The Built-in Differences between Men and Women

In today's society, psychiatrists make a fantastic living counseling married couples who are in trouble within their relationship. Many of these couples cannot sort out their differences by themselves requiring the assistance of a third objective party – in many cases this person is a licensed marriage or relationship counselor.

According to the Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.”50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce.” What’s going on here? Does America stand a chance for happy, effective and long-lasting unions? Are there quite possibly some deeply-ingrained biological and basic make-up differences between the sexes at work here?

Are Men and Women Really from Different Planets?

In the 1992 best selling book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus," relationship expert Dr. John Grey expounds on these seemingly intrinsic differences between men and women. As the title implies, it is quite easy to conclude that men and women actually have some seriously-different ways of viewing and processing their world – giving some credence to the wacky-concept that men and women could very-well originate from entirely different planets in our universe.

This metaphor, used throughout Dr. Grey’s book, is focused on these rather extreme differences between men and women. One notable dynamic that he explores is the way that men and women complain about problems in their lives. For men, they typically complain about a problem because they would like to come up with a solution as fast as possible – men tend to be problem-solvers by nature. For women, complaining about a problem is more of a 'release' or a way of voicing-out their feelings – because they want their problems to be acknowledged, thereby feeling better – they are generally not looking for the issue to be instantly solved.

"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" was John Grey's first entry in a successful series of additional books maintaining the rather analogy that men and women are so unique in makeup that they could be from different planets. Some of his other titles include "Mars and Venus on a Date", "Mars and Venus in Love", "Mars and Venus in the Bedroom", "Mars and Venus Starting Over" and similar titles which all focus on relationship issues.

Is It Really Just a Matter of the Y Chromosome?

For years, scientists have been decoding the human genome. Their studies have revealed that there’s 78 genes which make men different from women, and vice versa. However, it is still a matter of debate as to what these genes exactly are.

For now, it seems that the most widely held perspective is that the Y chromosome is what makes men act and think the way that they do – and the lack of the same chromosome in women is what makes them different from the male of the species.

So What Exactly are these Built-in Differences between Men and Women?

When you ask anybody what the built-in differences between men and women are, the first thing that usually comes to mind is the physical aspect. As one man would say, "Women have bumps where we don't and no hair on their chin or legs." Actually, the obvious physical differences are exactly what make an initial meeting all the more exciting. Human beings seem to gravitate towards something different and unfamiliar to us as a natural course of human curiosity.

But after time wears-on and exploration gives way to familiarization, we absolutely have -to dig deeper into the basic psychological, emotional and mental-process differences between sexes so that we can determine how to make a relationship work, move forward, build a solid foundation. If we don’t, misunderstandings, confusion and built-up hurt and pain will lead to an eventual blow-up and separation.

Different Ways of Dealing with Problems

As previously mentioned, men and women have a different way of dealing with their problems. When faced with a particularly difficult situation, men express their thoughts about the problem in the hopes of coming up with an appropriate and quick solution. Women, on the other hand, voice out their problems because they have a need for their situation to be acknowledged. When a woman talks about her problems, usually with another understanding woman, she just wants to lighten her load and have someone to vent to and empathize with what she has to say.

When men talk about their problems, many times over a bottle of beer with another man, the way that they approach things is more analytical and solution-oriented – they are looking to come up with a solution right away. Men tend to feel that rehashing and talking about the actual problem over and over the way a woman would is unnecessary. In fact when a woman works-out her issues this way with a man rather than another woman, all hell can break loose. What can happen is that the man may actually take the continual outpouring of the woman’s emotions extremely personal, as if she is somehow blaming him for the situation.

These very different ways of working-through problems and issues is one of the main reasons men and women develop severe misunderstandings and end-up driving each other crazy.

The Thinking Process

Generally, men tend to approach a broad subject by focusing on one area at a time. Women tend to multi-task, putting things together rather collectively. This just goes to show how the same problem, when presented to the opposite sexes – will have entirely different solutions.

Degree of Sensitivity

Take a look at the 'bonding' activities when we get together with friends of the same sex. Men gravitate towards rough and tough activities such as sports, drinking or other outdoor activities as a way to developing a friendship with other men. Men tend to avoid real, effective, emotional communication as they have a macho image to maintain. Quite the opposite is the case for women. Their relationships are bound-up in real, deep and meaningful communication and is much more of an emotional-connection thing – an intimate sharing of experiences with lots and lots of communication interspersed.

The Strength of Memory Recall

The simple fact that women have a stronger recall when it comes to dates: birthdays, anniversaries and important events – is often the cause of conflict in a relationship. Since men tend to forget these things, which have a strong emotional importance to women. If a woman has enhanced memory abilities and holds these dates and events in life at a higher importance and as an indication of the other persons love and affection for them, then this can lead to issues if the man considers them unimportant and trivial in nature. When these otherwise seemingly normal-for-women remembrance issues are overlooked, they see it as a sign that their mate maybe does not love and cherish them – this can actually build insecurities, and result in much hurt and pain for women..

This list is by no means comprehensive. There are hundreds of little details which further-describe the intrinsic differences between men and women. Since we are have basically proved the fact that diverse, complex differences exist between the sexes, how can a harmonious relationship exist with such glaring disparities at play?

Awareness is the Key

The key is to be as aware, as much as possible, about the characteristic differences between men and women. Learn details of who the other person is, and learn to accept and actually appreciate their difference. Try to remember, that as a unique and creation with such interestingly different ways of processing and dealing with life, we may actually be able to learn something to further enhance our lives from the opposite sex. The key is always awareness and understanding of the ingrained differences.. We should never force the other person change to suit our personal intrinsic makeup, but rather embrace growth and change ourselves. Us men can learn something from women – it would not hurt to break-down that macho image a little bit and become a little more sensitive and empathetic.

If we continuously place ourselves on a path of growth and make it a life-course to develop a deeper understanding of the ways men and women are different, we will surely be exponentially better-equiped to accept things that we cannot change, and better deal with whatever life throws our way.

The opinions expressed in the above article are solely those of the author. Dating Directory Review, its parent company and owners are not responsible for the use or application of these suggestions in any manner.