Improve Your Communication Skills,
Increase your Self-Worth & Enliven Your Relationships

Have you noticed requirements for many jobs include: “excellent communication skills” as part of the attributes for employment? In a business setting, being able to communicate effectively is an absolute necessity in order to be able to properly disseminate information. After all, how will you be able to relate to your colleagues and perform your tasks efficiently if you do not know how to communicate your thoughts properly?

Whether you are holding down a supervisory position or even a more subordinate position in a company, you may be required to draft a written report or relate some business-issue in writing to a supervisor or coleage. Once you present the written report, you may need to stand up before a group of people and present orally the report that you have prepared. In business meetings, you cannot get people to understand your point if you do not know how to express yourself clearly and articulately.

Effective communication skills are abslolutely required in a office environment, but what about interpersonal relationships? How can effective communication skills contribute to your successful personal relationships? How can properly conveying your feelings and putting your thoughts into words lead to greater success in a marriage, enliven your relationship with friends, family, colleagues and just about everyone else you interact with in the world around you? Read on to find out.

Terror on the Podium

Public speaking seems to be one of the most terrifying experiences for many people? This almost universal repulsion of standing in front of a group actually has roots in a lack of self-confidence and many-times comes from worrying about what others are thinking about you instead of focusing on the material to be delivered. If you are concerned about what others are thinking or do not believe that you can effectively-deliver a speech before a group of people – then your speech will be filled with hesitation, sweat poring down your face and leave the listeners lost and actually feeling sorry for you.

The same dynamic applies toward developing your personal, one-on-one communication skills. For instance, if you lack courage asking somebody out on a date – you may actually have a lack of self-confidence because you don’t believe you are good enough to ask that person out or believe they are better than you. If you continue down this path, you will not have the courage it takes to create new relationships

Self-Talk Your Way to Self-Confidence

When you are delivering a speach, tell yourself the message you are attempting to deliver outweighs everything else at that moment – in other-words, assign a degree of importace to your speech that overrides your feelings about yourself. Tell yourself, this information is vitally-critical, and the necessity to convey the information is for the better-good and assistance of those listening. If you try to keep this frame of mind you will be less likely to let your thoughts wander and deny your brain the chance to think negative, self-deprecating thoughts.

When you are in a one-on-one situation and want to ask someone for a cup of coffee, try to remember that they are just a person like you. People by nature have issues and insecurities regarding themselves – the fact of the matter is that person you are requesting their presence for a simple cup of coffee or a meal, is actually more than likely not as confident as you may believe. Actively do this self-talk and you will more than likely find that your confidence level will surprise you.

Public Speaking Classes

Believe in yourself; develop your self-confidence by practicing – whether it is on a professional or personal basis. If you face your fears and actually challenge yourself to the experiences you are afraid of the most, you will grow – you will find yourself gradually developing confidence in those very situations you dread. Take public speaking classes at the local community college – there you will find that just about everyone in the class is fearful of exposing themselves to the scrutiny of standing in front of a group and talking. You will learn new techniques for rising-above your fears. Eventually you will find that with each class-speech you experience, you will gain valor.

Friend or Family Member Assistance

Work on interpersonal-skills by practicing with a willing friend or relative in rehearsal sessions – here you will be able to actually gain real-life courage, and be prepared with answers to difficult questions when you subject yourself to the real situation of asking someone out on a date.

Afraid of Rejection?

Most of the time, in the case of one-on-one situations, we are fearful of rejection. Ask your family or friend helper to challenge you with tough questions and even purposeful rejection situations. If you can actually practice being rejected and get used to a refusal, you will start to look at rejection more as a person’s right and not a personal assault. You can eventually learn to not take a rebuff so personal, eventually rising above the negative response and be more confident in your overall response. Then practice creative and witty return comments for rejection. Build an arsenal of comebacks so you can make light of the instant chill you feel go up your spine when you are the recipient of denial. This will help you not get so emotionally distraught over a person’s right to say “no.”

Its’ important to remember that just about everybody is dealing with some kind of insecurity – yes, even the girl you are so crazy about doesn’t like something about herself. Integrate this into your thinking when you are approaching someone you like and think has it all together – the truth of the matter is, none of us do.

Communication Involves Two Parties

Being an effective communicator does not simply involve speaking articulately and fluently. Some people may have the gift of gab, but if they do not know how to actively listen, they can still be considered poor and ineffective communicators.

Remember that communication is a two-way street. As one party speaks, the other party listens. You can formulate the most appropriate response by intently, actively and empathetically listening to what the other person has to say. In practicing active listening, where you tune-into the other persons feelings, not just their words, the important points and concerns the person you are talking with will clearly come across. As a result, your response will be appropriate, and heading toward a constructive outcome.

Think about the other Person’s Words and Emotions, not yours

In a conversation, it’s amazing how many of us are formulating our own thoughts and responses while the other person is talking – to some extent this is normal and useful but if you are not focusing and entirely absorbing the other person’s thoughts and emotions he or she will feel it. Much of the passion and understanding of the other person’s message will get lost while you are focused on getting your point across. This throws additional confusion and tension into a conversation as the other person usually will feel a degree of insult due to the lack of attention to what he or she is saying. Look directly into their eyes and focus intently on the other person’s words and feelings, giving confirmation and feedback that echo the fact that you understand him or her. Consider your own expectation of respect, when you are the one doing the speaking to someone else.

Ask Questions if Necessary

Miscommunication happens when you formulate a response without completely understanding what the other person has to say. Do not be afraid to ask questions if there is a particular point that you do not understand. This way, the exchange of information will be more effective and efficient.

Practice Speaking Clearly, Repeat if Necessary

If you get a puzzled look from people while speaking to them, you may not have spoken clearly. Repeat what you have said clearly, or paraphrase so that you can make sure that what you have said has come across.

You can practice speaking clearly by ‘listening to yourself talk’. Do this exercise in front of the mirror, or record your voice and listen back to the tape. Do you clearly enunciate the words when speaking? Do you speak too fast, or too slow? Do you include a lot of uhm’s or slang words when you talk? Part of being a good speaker and communicator is speaking clearly and enunciating your words clearly. Make the necessary changes to the way that you talk, and always continue improving your weak points.

Practice More by Engaging in Small Talk

You can start with the grocer, the milk man, or a neighbor. With a polite smile on your face, try to engage them in small talk. The weather may be a lame subject but it is always a good conversation starter. If you feel that your conversation skills have yet to be polished, then this is a great way to start in improving your communication skills.

With these five simple tips, you can slowly but surely improve your communication skills. In no time at all, you will find that your points are getting-across more frequently and your interpersonal skills are improving. It’s good to eliminate hesitation as this causes individuals to jump-in and take control of a conversation, but the main focus should be on effective communication skills and getting your message across to the person you are speaking to.

In Conclusion

Finally, remember that communicating effectively with others is the best way to enliven your relationships – whether it is with your colleagues in the workplace – or the people within your family and your social circle. Most importantly, for the sake of this writing, to prevent misunderstandings, promote growth and harmony in your relationship with your partner.

Article Custom Written/compiled for Dating Directory Review by Mabelle Sese of The Filipino Worker Company. Updated July, 17, 2008

The opinions expressed in the above article are solely those of the author. Dating Directory Review, its parent company and owners are not responsible for the use or application of these suggestions in any manner.